Caring for Missionary Children (TCKs) Checklist

Third-culture kids (TCKs) face unique joys and challenges as they grow up between cultures, and sending churches play a vital role in giving them a sense of stability and belonging. This resource provides a comprehensive checklist of practical ways to care for TCKs before they leave, while they are on the field, during furlough, and into adulthood. Church leaders can use it to build a thoughtful care plan by gathering ideas to implement and adding their own as they go.

Third-culture kids (TCKs) are children who spend a significant part of their developmental years outside their parents’ home culture. As they navigate the intersection of their parents’ culture and their host culture, they often form a unique “third culture” all their own. This gives them remarkable strengths—adaptability, empathy, global awareness—but it can also bring challenges related to identity, belonging, grief, and transition.

Because of this, TCKs often need a particular kind of support. Just as we intentionally care for the parents we send, we must also recognize and nurture the unique needs of their children. A sending church that sees, knows, and loves its TCKs provides more than emotional stability—it also offers them a lasting sense of safe harbor that will help anchor them across continents and life stages.

There are many meaningful ways a sending church can care for TCKs before, during, and after their family’s missions service. The checklist below offers practical ideas to help your church prepare to care well for them. We recommend putting a check beside the suggestions your church wants to implement and using the blank lines to add new ideas that arise along the way.

Before They Leave

• Get to know the TCK personally before they leave. Learn their interests, personalities, hobbies, fears, etc.

• Introduce the TCK to the church body alongside their parents (if they feel comfortable). Have a moment in the children’s ministry or on a Sunday morning moment when the church prays for them by name before they go.

• Give each child a small “sending gift.” This could be a stuffed animal, journal, small photo book of church friends, or another meaningful reminder of their church family.

• Collect and remember their birthdays. Mark them on your church calendar so you can intentionally celebrate them each year.

• Gather a secure mailing address on the field. Keep this address within the church office rather than distributing it widely, and always ask the parents about security considerations before sending anything.

• Ask parents and TCKs about their favorite things. Snacks, small toys, books, games, scents, or brands that may not be available in their new country can be comforting and familiar.

• Record prayer requests directly from the kids. Let them share what they’re excited or nervous about. Gathering these requests helps them feel seen and heard.

• Educate the church about the challenges and needs of TCKs and communicate concrete ways they can help care for them. 

• Provide age-appropriate resources about moving and cross-cultural life. For parents, books such as Lauren Wells’ The Grief Tower can help families process what they’re experiencing.

• Invite their peers to participate. Encourage children in the same age group to write cards, draw pictures, or create a small scrapbook to send with them.

• Assign a “TCK Advocate” from your care team. One trusted person checking in a few times a year can ensure no child slips through the cracks.

On the Field

• Send age-appropriate books or magazines. These can be fun, faith-building, or simply familiar. Consider series they already love so the continuity feels comforting.

• Write personal notes and mail them the “old-fashioned” way. Kids treasure something they can hold, display, or reread, especially when it comes from their home church.

• Send occasional care packages (when permitted). Keep them small, culturally sensitive, and mindful of customs fees. Include favorite snacks, small toys, art supplies, or seasonal items.

• Include the TCKs in a family video call. Even a quick hello helps them see familiar faces and remember that they belong to a larger spiritual family.

• Celebrate their birthdays from afar. Mail a card, send a short video greeting, or coordinate a small digital celebration from their children’s ministry class.

• Host a yearly video call between the TCKs and their children’s Sunday school class to help maintain friendships and give both groups a sense of global connection.

• If a TCK attends a boarding school, give them extra attention. Send encouragement, care packages, and regular check-ins to remind them they are not forgotten.

• Spread care throughout the year, not only on major holidays. Consider sending something for lesser holidays or even “just because.” (Be mindful not to send patriotic items to families serving in secure contexts.)

• Stay in touch during transitions. Moves, school changes, or team shifts on the field can be especially difficult. Check in with parents about how the kids are doing and ask if the church can help meet any needs.

• Share church updates in kid-friendly ways. A short video from their class, photos of a church event, or artwork from peers helps them feel connected to life back home.

• Invite the congregation to pray for the TCKs specifically. Share occasional prayer points (with sensitivity to security and permission from parents) so the body remains invested.

• Include TCK care in any short-term trips or pastoral visits to their area. Coordinate with the parents to include something meaningful for the child, such as a special meal or outing. 

When They Return for Furlough 

• Offer debriefing for the entire family. Make space for each child to process their experiences, joys, and challenges. If the family is not returning to the field, include intentional debriefing around transition, loss, and re-entry.

• Welcome them back with a meet-and-greet (at an agreed-upon time after some rest). Allow the church to reconnect with the children by name and story, not just with the parents.

• Help them form friendships at church. Introduce them to peers through Sunday school, youth group, or small social gatherings with individual families.

• Plan a fun outing just for them. Parks, libraries, sporting events, festivals, or a round of putt-putt golf can help them feel seen and celebrated and not just “along for the ride” of their parents’ calendar.

• Give their family a gift card for a local activity they can enjoy together. Going to a theme park, the zoo, a trampoline park, or a favorite restaurant allows them to build positive memories during their time home.

• If they will attend school on home assignment, support them with school supplies. Host a drive or provide a gift card for backpacks, notebooks, and culturally relevant items they may not have used abroad.

• Celebrate milestones that may have been overlooked on the field, such as lost teeth, reading achievements, sports interests, hobbies begun abroad, etc. Acknowledging these communicates, “We see you and love you.”

• Educate the church about re-entry culture shock and the challenges of furloughs. Teach them how to ask good questions and listen well. 

• Give the TCKs space to share about their life overseas. Encourage them to bring photos, tell stories, or share something they love about their host country, without pressuring them to perform.

  
  

When They Come Back for College 

• Help them attend a TCK re-entry conference. If they graduate high school on the field and return for college or work, ask if they’d like to participate in a TCK transition program. Offer guidance, connections, and financial support as needed. Two solid options are MuKappa and Interaction International.

• Assign a point person or advocate from the church. This person checks in periodically, helps with practical needs, and serves as a stable relationship while their parents remain overseas.

• Assist with practical logistics. Help them navigate things like setting up a bank account, securing a phone plan, finding housing, or learning public transportation, as these are areas many TCKs may not have managed independently before.

• Offer relational care and community. Invite them into a small group, connect them with peers, or pair them with a trusted mentor who understands (or is willing to learn about) TCK experiences.

• Create opportunities for regular connection. A monthly meal, a care package during finals, or a simple text check-in can mean more than you realize to a young adult living far from family.

• Encourage them to share their unique perspective, without pressure. If they’re comfortable, invite them to talk about their experiences or global insights in youth group, college ministry, or missions gatherings.

• Support them emotionally in the transition. Many TCKs experience delayed grief, identity confusion, or loneliness during their college years. Ask how they’re doing and remind them the church is a safe place for honest processing. If desired, offer to provide counseling. 

• Celebrate milestones when their parents cannot be present. Birthdays, holidays, move-in day, or other life moments can feel especially tender. A church member’s presence or encouragement can fill a significant gap.

• Invite them to holiday meals or family gatherings. Breaks can be lonely when most of the other students go home. A welcoming table can provide belonging and rest.

• Consider financial care when appropriate. College can be expensive, and some families on the field have limited means. A scholarship fund, textbook assistance, or one-time gifts can bless them tremendously.

• Don’t assume they will want to attend your church. If they don’t, offer to assist them in locating a nearby congregation where they can worship, serve, and find stability.

Adult TCKs

Recognize that adult TCKs still need connection, belonging, and care. Their transition into adulthood often brings new layers of identity questions, vocational decisions, and relational shifts, especially if their parents remain overseas.

• Help them build a network. Adult TCKs may need introductions for job opportunities, internships, or vocational mentoring. Leverage your church’s relational capital on their behalf.

• Invite them into community with intention. Small groups, mentoring relationships, and intergenerational friendships can provide grounding when their sense of “home” feels fluid.

• Provide pastoral care or professional counseling when needed. Many adult TCKs experience ongoing grief, loss, or cultural dislocation at unexpected times. Offer a safe place to talk, pray, and receive encouragement.

• Celebrate life milestones with them. Weddings, baby showers, graduations, and career transitions may feel bittersweet if extended family or parents on the field cannot attend. The church can step in with presence and support in these moments.

• Ask how the church can meaningfully support them. Don’t assume needs—invite conversation. Some may want deeper involvement; others may prefer quiet stability.

• Offer hospitality. Meals, holiday gatherings, and open homes provide steady relational presence, especially around times when their nuclear family is far away.

• Invite them to contribute their perspective to the life of the church. They can be a valuable voice for missions awareness, cross-cultural discipleship, youth engagement, TCK care, etc.

• Encourage healthy boundaries and expectations. Adult TCKs sometimes feel pressure to “represent missions” or answer for their parents’ ministry. Affirm that involvement is welcome but never required. In some instances, adult TCKs struggle to have a positive view of missions or the church altogether. 

• Connect them with other TCKs in the area. Peer relationships with others who share similar backgrounds can be deeply healing and grounding.

A Safe Spiritual Harbor

As you send out families to the nations, remember that you are also sending out their children, each of whom have their own stories, needs, gifts, and hopes. TCKs carry both the beauty and the complexity of growing up between cultures. When a church commits to walking with them through every stage of their journey, it offers something irreplaceable: a safe spiritual harbor from which to launch and someday return.

This checklist is meant to serve as a practical tool to help your church care intentionally for TCKs before they leave, while they are on the field, during home assignment, and as they transition into adulthood. Use it to build a plan, to involve more people in meaningful care, and to remind the children of your missionaries that they are deeply known and deeply loved.

Ultimately, caring well for TCKs is part of caring well for the whole missionary family, which strengthens the long-term fruitfulness of your church’s sending. May God use your thoughtful, consistent care to anchor these young lives in his love and to help them flourish wherever he leads them.

Next Steps

The journey toward sending well happens one step at a time. Here are three ways you can continue moving upstream:

1. Who are the families in your sending pipeline with whom you could start implementing some of these ideas? Take a moment to pray for the children by name and pay attention to any key next step God puts on your heart. 

2. Are there any former TCKs in your church or in your network? Ask if they would be willing to share their experiences and suggestions with you. If appropriate, invite them to connect with your church’s current or future TCKs. 

3. Explore the ministry TCK Training and tell your missionary families about it. Their books, such as Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids: A Practical Guide to Preventative Care by Lauren Wells, and trainings can help your church and your missionary parents think proactively about TCK care.